Ever gotten money from a homeless man?

I have!

Recently I was in line at the liquor store buying some beer. I have $10 cash on me and that’s about it. Cashier rings me up and it’s $10.99 – oops.
“Wait, let me go out to my car and scrounge up some change.”
The cashier (and people waiting in line) were not impressed.
I hear this gruffled voice behind me say “Ah, here ya go.”
An obvious homeless man is handing ME a dollar bill.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah why not?”
Cashier’s face = confusion
“Can I give you a beer at least?”
“Nah I’m good with this.”
He holds up the biggest jug of Sunny D I’ve ever seen.
“That’s it?”
He leans in with a smelly whisper and says “Goes good with vodka.”

So, I am taking a new turn with my interaction amongst the transients.
Instead of ignoring them as I walk by and their empty hand comes up, I will respond in one of the following ways:
- “Sorry, the smallest I have is a 50.”
- “Actually can you just break some change for me?”
- “What do you want? I don’t understand.”
- Or you can anticipate the request for change, and turn it around “Hey buddy I need another 99 cents to buy this beer, got a buck to spare?”

Now I am sure you are wondering why I would go this route considering a very nice homeless man gave me money. But you’re missing the point – he had enough bills that he was passing them out at the liquor store.
Hmmmm…thought provoking.

Please share your homeless interactions! I know KTB has one…

"I'm a slapper"

Ya know those annoying people who you run into after a while or maybe you're just meeting them for the first time and they want to hug you?

"Oh! I'm a hugger - come here you!"

Why are we subjected to the hugging? Because you announced it?

If that's the case, then "I'm a slapper."

If you feel compelled to hug me cuz that's yo thang, don't be surprised to get my 5 finger hello. Some of us don't particularly enjoy your greasy paws wrapped around our bodies. But what I do enjoy is a good public slapping every once in awhile - especially if someone deserves it.

This summer at my wedding my bridesmaid KTB was meeting my husband's grandmother for the first time. Grandma Dee didn't get up, just said hello to my friend, and probably figured that was the end of it. KTB responded with "I'm a hugger!" Grandma Dee immediately replied, "Well I'm not."

She got hugged - AWkward...

Maybe I can get over my hug phobia and be more like this guy:

http://www.citizenofthemonth.com/2007/08/29/ive-learned-to-hug/

Whadya think? Should we let the greasy paws invade our personal space without prior written consent?

Having an abortion turns you into a crackhead whore?

Wow! I didn’t know that – and I have been doing abortion counseling for years. Luckily there are these crisis pregnancy centers available to give you all the facts.
Wait…you say these places aren’t legit? They are anti-choice? They just want everyone to have tons of babies and live happily ever after???

Crisis pregnancy centers are fake clinics that lure you in with advertisements such as “Pregnant? Scared? We can help.” Well that sounds pretty good to me. Oh, until they start telling you that abortion causes infertility, breast cancer and post abortion stress (a made up term – no, seriously, see what the American Psychological Association has to say about it: http://www.apa.org/pi/wpo/abortion-health.html).

Some of the websites and advertisements are so professional, it’s hard to tell what the underlying message is. Here is my personal favorite, because it has been advertised at the campus where I do pregnancy counseling.
http://www.capsonline.org/ College Area Pregnancy Services

This “clinic” can be very confusing for young women. First of all they use the same acronym we use on campus here for our Counseling And Psychological Services – coincidence?
And there is a picture of our campus on their home page. Therefore they MUST be affiliated with our school, right?

This website looks great and has tons of information. But because they DON’T have a big cross or mention god, the bible or eternal damnation anywhere in the text, isn’t it legit?

One of my favorite sections is the “Guys Only” area. Here men can learn what it means to be a man, including talking your girlfriend out of an abortion. According to CAPS “most relationships deteriorate within six months after an abortion.” Please. Ya know what also ends relationships? Babies.

What I have found is that if a relationship is strong before an abortion, it will be stronger after. If it was weak to start with, they will probably break up after an abortion. Some people break up after Facebook posts, so gimme a break.

Oh! By the way, all that fabulous abstinence only education funding goes towards these clinics. Maybe this is where Bristol Palin went when she 1st learned she was pregnant.

Wanna hear about the crackhead whore -

Check this out and let me know what you think:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJXRVA16Kig

Your cheatin' heart

With all of the craziness that goes on with dating ("I gotta wax what?") there are some important things to consider:
- Does he have dragon breath?
- Does she talk about how sexy her brother is?
- Do you have a mutual love of cheese?

And some other significant factors. I think we can all agree on the above statements, but what about this doozy...

Can you trust someone who cheated on their last partner for you?

Maybe you enjoyed the challenge of stealing that guy who was already with someone else? Maybe he liked the risqué-ness of sneaking around. Or maybe you two were just destined to be together!

But somewhere in the back of your mind you have to remember that he did cheat. Not on you, but on that other innocent gal. Was that the only time he strayed, or is this a pattern?

Whadya think???
Can you trust someone who cheated on their last partner for you?

Things I am excited about now that I am in my 30's and married

1. When the grocery store isn't full of people (oh, you say it never is on Saturday night? Hmph)
2. Roomba
3. The luxury of sleeping in till 830am
4. Having the house to myself
5. Farting without embarrassment
6. Being able to get drunk off of 2 beers - woohoo!
7. Leaving the house without makeup and not giving a damn
8. Intrauterine devices
9. Not having to date anymore
10. Having el husband make his famous dinner of spaghetti with a side of tater tots

Have any others to add?