Good job husband

This week Basham called on his way home from work to tell me he was going to cook chicken parmesan - yum! And we were going to open one of our nice bottles of wine from our honeymoon back in June - ok!

So I get home and find out that he's a little frustrated that we don't have all of the stuff to make chicken parm. I said "we can just wing it and figure it out." He replied with, "no, if I'm not gonna make it right we will just make something else."

Alrighty then.

He proceeds to cook chicken alfredo instead with some garlic bread which turned out really well. I asked which bottle of red he wanted to open and he said we could open the white. I thought that was pretty sweet considering I'm really the one who likes white and he prefers the reds - this night is turning out very well!

We sit down to eat, he raises a glass and says "happy six month anniversary."

Wait for it......................awwwwwwwwwww :)

Probably the best part is my stupid sister Sherry sitting there while all of this is going on and wondering why there isn't any food for her. She plants herself at the table and encourages her stinky dog Peanut to fart all over the dining room.

Thanks Sherry - thanks

Excuse me, could you hand me that vagina?

As the Sexual Health Educator for a large urban university, I will go out and do presentations about STDs, pregnancy, and other fun stuff for students on campus. A few weeks ago I was carrying my bag of goodies across campus for a presentation when I got lost looking for the classroom. I began to get flustered and realized I was now running late. I finally get directions to the room and start darting across the courtyard. Of course I drop my bag and have condoms, lubricant and anatomical models spill out across the ground. As if I’m not stressed enough already, picking up the plastic pieces of my vagina is not helping at all. I get all of the pieces put back together, pull off some grass that got stuck to my penis model (Pedro) and make it to the classroom in time.

Who’s ready to talk about Chlamydia?!

This weekend I was at a mini reunion with some former college friends. Being back at GSU and talking about old memories made me think about trying to give these presentations in a place like Statesboro. Yikes! I had a student throw an envelope of condoms back at me and tell me I was going to hell once. Well at least I will have protection, thank you very much.

For some condom tidbits, check this out -
http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-put-on-a-condom-2

Don't cough at the grocery store

I have been sick for 3 days and decided it was time to go to the grocery store - life still goes on ya know (and I needed cheese).

After gathering all of my groceries and proceeding to the checkout counter, the cashier asks "Hey, how ya doin'?"

I should know better and realize that people don't actually want an answer to this question. Don't ask me why I haven't learned my lesson after these previous responses:
"I'm good, that rash finally cleared up."
"Not too good...my dog puked all over my bed. Oh I have a coupon too."
"Swell! Been sober for 3 hours now."

So I tell the cashier at the grocery store that I was doing well, but getting over a cold. He replies with the most disgusted face imaginable. I felt like I just got caught molesting his chihuahua.

He finishes with my checkout, gives me my receipt and doesn't say a word. How could he say anything to the most inconsiderate sick person to ever walk into his grocery store? The nerve!

I look back as I am walking out and see him slathering antibacterial gel all over his hands - I think he swallowed some as well. Then he tells the woman standing behind me in line that I am sick and so she is gonna have to wait until he disinfects the area. Apparently he left to take a sponge bath as well.

At first I felt really guilty. But gimme a break dude...

10 Happy Songs to Make you Dance

1. Tony Toni Tone - "It Feels Good"
2. Gnarls Barkley - "Smiley Faces"
3. Michael Jackson - "PYT"
4. MGMT - "Kids"
5. James Brown - "I Got You"
6. Steely Dan - "Peg"
7. Rick Astley - "Never Gonna Give You Up"
8. AfuRa - "God of Rap"
9. Katrina and the Waves - "Walking on Sunshine"
10. U2 - "Beautiful Day"

Download them now - I dare you not to dance around like an idiot!
:)

Suggestions for more?

Supercuts - Super Ripoff

We started furloughs this month at my job and I am trying to cut expenses where I can. Therefore instead of going to my fabulous salon in Little Italy where I can enjoy champagne and chocolates (http://hyde-edwards.com/) I went to Supercuts.

I just needed a haircut, nothing fancy, so I was happy to go and spend my $15.95. But it didn't turn out quite the way I wanted…

They take me right away which is good because they don't accept appointments. The "stylist" asks what I want done and I explain that I just need a trim.

"Do you want to start with a shampoo?"

What kind of a question is that? No, just go ahead and cut my dirty hair.

So after the shampoo she asks if I want a 5 minute scalp massage. Ok, obviously this costs more money so I decline - I am like totally savvy.

She cuts my hair and does a decent job. Not that you can really mess up cutting 4 inches of straight hair. She begins to blow dry and asks if I want it flat ironed.

"Nah I'm good."

"But I would really recommend it. Your hair isn't gonna lay flat on it's own."

Thanks - didn't realize that's what a flat iron was for.

So I said ok and she finished my hair.

Other than the screaming kids running around and the foul smell, it was quick and easy and cheap.

Or maybe not.

I go to the counter to pay and she rings me up.

"That'll be $41.95."

WTF?!?! Are you serious?

"Wait…how much was the haircut?"

"$18.95"

I just sit there looking dumbfounded and she sits there looking dumb.

"Do you want a breakdown of the services?"

Duh.

"Well you got a shampoo, a blow dry, flat iron, it all adds up."

Supercuts Sucks

OH! I see - thank you for explaining all of that to me AFTER the fact.

"Actually it should've been $57 but I gave you a discount since it was so quick."

Well thank you very much. Hell I pay $60 at the fancy salon with the alcohol and free food.

I begrudgingly give her the money and leave.

It's not until I am in my car that I realize I didn't leave a tip. I hesitated for about 1 second, felt guilty, and then said "fuck it" and left.

Was I wrong???

Suffer from migraines? Why don't you just get surgery? DUH!

For those of you who suffer from migraines, here are some things you need to know:
1) Migraines with aura - neurological disturbances before a migraine headache that may include blurred vision, an unpleasant smell or confusion. Some people have plain old headaches (I hate these people) and some have migraines without aura. If you get the type with aura, welcome to the club!
2) For women who have migraine with aura you are NOT supposed to be on estrogen -
http://www.webmd.com/migraines-headaches/guide/hormones-headaches
3) Caffeine may also play a role - I stopped caffeine intake 2 years ago and saw improvement with the number of my migraines.
http://www.medicinenet.com/migraine_headache/page5.htm

4) Botox has been suggested for years and now so is surgery - yikes:

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/08/04/migraine.surgery/index.html

And for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, piss off...

Sufferers - what have you found that works? IUD? Certain triggers? Hitting your coworkers?