12.21.2011

Baby It's Cold Outside


Baby It's Cold Outside....also known as the Christmas date rape anthem.

Check out the lyrics - sorry to be a Grinch but really?!

The lyrics sung by the female lead are italicized. Bold is my addition...

I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry
Well maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour

The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how
- Your eyes are like starlight
To break the spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried
- What's the sense in hurting my pride?
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

C'mon baby
I simply must go - Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Ooh darling, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm - Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious - Man, your lips look delicious
My brother will be there at the door
- Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Gosh your lips are delicious
Well maybe just a half a drink more - Never such a blizzard before

I've got to go home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your coat
- It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - I thrill when you touch my hand
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me?
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Think of my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied
- If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay
- Get over that hold out

Ahh, but it's cold outside
Baby it's cold outside

10.07.2011

I Love This Part Right Here






I don’t know what you do while bored at work, but I watch Pussycat Dolls videos – duhhhhh

It’s a great way to pass the time, look at pretty girls in skimpy outfits, and make fun of horrible videos.

Appropriately titled “I Hate This Part,” this particular PCD video has so much nonsense going on that it really is pretty damn funny.
So if this blog posting comes off as rambled and nonsensical, I am just sticking with the theme.

First, watch the video so you can truly grasp what I am talking about here.
Copy and paste -
http://www.youtuberepeat.com/watch/?v=S97MaG3kOMY

Hell watch it 10 times if you are feeling crazy.

“Hey girls – let’s put on our sluttiest Cowgirl meets Native American outfit and go out to the desert and be sad and hope it starts to rain so we can dance our asses off.”
But wait that one girl is a…..what…gypsy? ??? What outfit is that intended to be? She must’ve showed up late to the shoot.

“Oh I’m so sad and upset about this breakup. Maybe if I dry hump this pinball machine the pain will go away.”

FACT - if you drive a car full of girls out to the desert, their car will break down and they will have to stand around looking helpless yet totally do-able, a wolf with kindly eyes WILL show up but not really do anything, and despite years of drought, it will rain on their poor tight white tank tops.
(I call them wife pleasers, not wife beaters, thank you very much)

And why the fuck does a wolf show up all of a sudden?

Can someone please tell me what these other girls are doing in the video? I get that there is a lead singer of this girl "band," but they are seriously just back up dancers who literally don’t sing one single note. At least the Spice Girls acted like they were singing.

One of them just seems to be taking her clothes off by that random tree and then swinging them around her head. Ok.

I really wish Nicole could try to open up her mouth a little wider. You’re singing your heart out supposedly, not having a whispering contest.

Here’s another gem: Let’s sexily console one another during this time of need. Because apparently they ALL broke up with their boyfriends the exact same weekend. Guess that’s a good idea if you’re about to go spend Saturday in the desert with your hot stripper friends (or a really bad idea when your car breaks down and none of the now ex-boyfriends want to drive all the way out to Mojave and pick your asses up).

“Wheee a stuffed pink elephant! I think I'll carry it around this abandoned dump.”

Thank God there is a piano available so she can sing this freakin song – can you imagine?!

Oh and there's a deer.

What did I miss?

On a completely unrelated note, I wanted to see if Sherry, Katie, Amanda, Dara and Sarah wanted to come out to the desert with me this weekend?


*Luckily I proofread this before posting because every time I wrote the word desert I actually spelled it dessert – Obviously I am in need of cupcakes

9.18.2011

I can’t BELIEVE you’re 35 this year!



goozgirl.blogspot.com

Mothers…they say the darnedest things.

My birthday was last week and mom called to leave me a little “Happy Birthday to You” message. I called her back to say thank you and then she told me that I was getting old.

You probably shouldn’t call me old for a couple of reasons mom.
Reason #1: You’re my mom.
Reason #2: Since you are my mom, how old should you feel when you tell your daughter she is getting old?

I reminded her of these well thought out reasons and she replied with “All I’m saying is I just can’t believe you’re 35 this year.”

Well you shouldn’t believe it because I am actually 34.

She chuckled and just said “Whatever.”

Really mom? I mean I would think the fact that you only gave birth twice (once for me and superfreak twin Sherry, and then 4 years later to my brother Luis) would help you keep these dates in mind. It’s not like you had 13 kids and it’s hard to keep the dates straight. But there are also TWO of us. You have TWO kids with the same birthday – get it together woman.

And how in the world is giving birth to moi, THE one and only Angela Guzman Basham, not the most significant date of your entire life?!?!?

I guess it’s still better than a few years ago when she didn’t call on our birthday at all. I called HER the next day to say “What’s up Mama G? Kinda expected a birthday call yesterday.” She said she figured my sister and I were old enough that we didn’t really care about birthdays anymore.

C’mon ma, go buy some maternal juice and get with the program. I’m pretty sure they sell it at Whole Foods.

However, Sherry and I are going home this weekend to spend some quality time with mama and shop for wedding dresses. Considering how close she and my sister are, she is thrilled to participate in this significant event. I also have a sneaking suspicion she is going to cry when she sees little Sherry in those white dresses. No matter how “hey life isn’t fair and your bunnies are dead” my mom can be, she really does hold a soft spot in her heart for us. And although I am very thankful for the tough and blunt lessons she has taught me, I will always remember that she repeatedly said “The only thing I ever want is for you to be happy, no matter what.”

I think it’s safe to say that we are mom, and we have you to thank for it.

*Lookin' forward to seeing you next week Mama

9.09.2011

What I did when the power went out in San Diego…



Sitting at work, just finished teaching class, and around 330 everything went dark. Figured it was a temporary thing, or just pertained to our building. So I hung out doing some non-computer related work when we heard that the ENTIRE city, from Oceanside to Chula Vista was out of power. I will admit that for some reason I thought that was kinda cool at 1st. I can’t imagine this has ever happened before. Then I realized that all of the traffic lights would be out for my 15 mile ride home – uh oh. Time to get outta the office and onto the road!
I walk out to the parking garage and see one of my coworkers coming BACK to the office. He said he isn’t even going to try to get out of here right now and that by 410, things were already crazy on the road. Apparently sitting around his dark office seemed more fun than being stuck in traffic (don’t ask me what he was doing in there).
So I brave the roads. Simply getting off campus takes me about 25 minutes, but I figured once I hit the freeway it should be a lil easier. However I am quickly corrected when I see the traffic at a dead halt on the 15 North, which is the way I drive home. Scrap that, let’s do something else. I call Basham to see if he can check his Ipad for internet service and let me know what’s up with traffic. At this point there is no radio available so I am really struggling for some information about what is going on.
I get on the 805 North and it is smooth sailing! Literally no delays whatsoever and I am flying home. Hooray for me …until I realize that I don’t know how to get home this “back” way so I call Basham for assistance again. Now the phone lines are starting to get jammed and we can only communicate via text. And what is this beeping sound on my phone….battery is dying?! AHHH! My only saving grace is that I have at least ½ a tank of gas in my car. Otherwise the next 2 hours I am about to spend in the car could’ve easily been even more hellish.
Ok so I know I DON’T want the Mira Mesa Blvd exit because there are so many businesses around there and about 4000 traffic lights before I get home. If this power outage had happened at noon, I think we wouldn’t have had this perfect storm of chaos. But when the power goes out close to 4pm, EVERYONE is going to leave work at the exact same time.
Instead I take the next exit up for Sorrento Valley Rd. Still a major cluster dump but it HAS to be better than Mira Mesa Blvd. I want to text Basham to make sure I am going the right way, but my phone has died. I continue on my path until…what’s this?….detour due to traffic collision?….where are you directing me to go Mr. Police Offic….NOOOOO.
Mira Mesa Blvd it is.
At this point I have been on the road for almost 90 minutes. My typical commute is between 15 and 20. And even though I am still about 3-4 miles away from my house, I am seriously considering parking my car and walking. Or hiking my skirt up and getting someone on a motorcycle to steer us through all of this traffic. Basham can bring me back later to get my car.
I say to myself, “If I get through this next intersection within 5 minutes, I am going for it.” I am able to pass through unscathed and finally make it to a more residential area, with much less traffic lights.
On a positive note, I did see some cool things during this trek. An old white dude in his pickup truck gave a bottle of water to a young black female police officer as she was directing traffic (racism solved!). I didn’t notice anyone losing their patience or honking their cars unnecessarily while stuck in this shit storm. And the sense of community I felt from seeing all of the punk ass kids drinking 30 packs of beer in front of their yards really warmed my heart.
I get home to see that Basham has saved the day. Not only has he gone to the store and gotten batteries, matches, ice and an extra cooler, but a big ol’ jug of red wine. Normally we wouldn’t drink something that would be such an affront to our overly mature palettes, but if the world isn’t actually ending tonight then we need to save some money for this weekend.
Husband says he lucked out with his timing at the grocery store. The staff had all of the goods outside and were only selling limited items. He had 7 people in front of him when he arrived and by the time he left there were almost 100 people in line (again mostly young men with armloads of beer).
So he ends up cooking this amazing meal by candlelight – what? Go ‘head husband. We have a gas stove and outdoor grill so we were good to go! Grilled asparagus, salad and sautéed shrimp. And although I wouldn’t normally have champagne with dinner, the contents of our fridge aren’t gonna last much longer so might as well.
We eat outside with candles and wine (and champagne) and it was delicious and romantic. I am a lucky girl.
Around 9pm we take the dogs out for a long walk and check out the neighborhood. Relatively quiet considering all that’s happening, and that is alright with me.
Get back home and sit down. Best cure for power outage? Chianti and Percocet – now we are talking! So we begin to settle for the evening and Basham uses his Ipad for internet. “Let me see what’s going on….yeah, looks like the Packers are gonna win and Drew Brees has thrown 3 touchdowns.”
Really? That’s not the update I was expecting, but thanks for entertaining me.
1st world problems start to set in – we are all out of the “good” wine and only have the Ipad charged to about 60%. Man I hope we can watch an episode of Game of Thrones before it goes dead! How do people live like this???
We watch our show, start drinking the jug wine, and then hear something outside. Somehow Peanut has managed to open the screen door in the back yard, run out there, get into a fight with a possum, and get his dumb ass sprayed right in the face. Stupid dog – don’t you realize we are in the middle of a major catastrophe? We can’t have you getting into fights with skunks and possums and bears and bringing the stank into our house- the nerve!
Next time I am just gonna lock him outside with the creature until they make up and become friends.
So our night ends with us hosing the dogs down in the dark, me crashing on the couch and Basham in the bed because it’s just too damn hot for us both to get in there together.
Power comes on at some point, but I don’t know exactly what time bc all the clocks read 12:00.
I plug my phone in to charge and sleep in. No alarms go off bc, well, we haven’t reset them, and so I just magically wake up at 8am. Turn on my phone and see 2 voicemails and 10 text messages.
3 of them are from my boss telling me to report to work at 9am – WTF?! Are you serious? Did a syphilis bomb go off? Bc as the Sexual Health Educator, unless there is a Chlamydia leak on campus, I really don’t know why I am considered an essential employee.
Therefore I have been at work for the last 3 hours and the only thing I have accomplished is writing this blog. It is a ghost town around here since classes were cancelled but for some reason, the health center remains open. But I am going to stop complaining – if someone thinks I am essential then I will be here. Job stability! And who knows….someone might rush in here at any minute to discuss a very urgent birth control matter.

1.14.2011

best… Birthday… EVER!


The week started out great – we booked a trip to Hawaii for this March. YAY! It was also a relatively easy teaching schedule for me at both universities and its Basham’s birthday. Sounds good, right?

Well if you agreed then you are an idiot.

Friday night Basham is driving home at about 11pm and his check engine light comes on. Then the battery light comes on. Then smoke starts coming out of the hood. All signs point to BAD. He makes it off the freeway and relatively close to home when it just dies on him. Some good Samaritans were there to help push his car out of a major intersection…and right into the curb where his tire popped and now the alignment is all f’d up too.

Tow truck gets called but will take 30 mins to get there. He makes it home, goes to bed, then calls the same tow dude (I think that’s the official name for these guys) to pick him up and get towed to the mechanics the next morning. At 3pm we have not heard back from them and they are also closed on Sunday. Which means we will need to get a rental car so he can get to work on Monday….

Don’t worry – he got a pimp ass Chevy Aveo to drive around. OOOOOOOhhhh – fancy. Luckily Basham LOVED this car because we had to pay for it a second day as well.

Finally get the call on Tuesday with the damage report. About $350. I didn’t think I would be so happy with a $350 mechanics bill, but we were worried it would be way higher. I should’ve realized that it was only Tuesday and so much more could go wrong as the week progressed.

So now he has his car back, but at some point needs to get a tire to replace the one that popped AND get his alignment fixed. This all needs to take place at 3 different locations – tire place, mechanics and alignment specialist. We were at least getting good referrals to places with decent reviews.

New tire, check. Working engine ….uncheck (?) The car is overheating and is leaking coolant. Fun. Now Basham has to take his car back to the mechanic. They spend another 4 hours on the car and Basham gets to walk home from the body shop – about one hour. Currently he has made this walk 3 times this week. At least he is getting exercise.

Now we owe another $315 to replace the coolant reservoir (I really like that phrase actually). The guys at the shop seem pretty decent so we don’t feel like we are getting ripped off. They sincerely feel bad when Bash keeps bringing his car in. They offered to drive him home today – the day I let him have my car. Thanks anyway…

So after a day of him walking all over San Diego, it is time to celebrate his birthday! I leave work a lil late, go to the grocery store and get some of his favorite things = salmon, expensive wine, oreos, etc. Rush home to cook. I give him his birthday present (Eric Clapton tickets) and was so glad he liked it. Get in the shower real quick so I can start cooking. I am already hungry and it’s gonna take about an hour to get dinner ready.

We have some wine and I start furiously peeling potatoes. Get those started and put the salmon in the oven. It is stuffed with spinach and feta and smells SO good! Potatoes are boiling and I put some corn in the microwave. 40 mins pass and it’s time to take out the salmon. I grab the hot dish and place it on the stove. Apparently I don’t know how to do that and it spills all over our new rug. Basham hears the crash and comes into the kitchen. Now our beautiful salmon is all over the floor with little pieces of dog hair sticking out of it. I pull down the dish to load the spilled salmon onto. Warning: if you put a hot dish on your new kitchen rug it will burn the rug. IDIOT. This weekend I am going to try burning other areas of the rug to make an interesting pattern.

At this point Basham is vacuuming and I am trying not to cry. It’s not my party so I can’t cry if I want to. He gives me a hug and says “let’s go out to eat!”

He is a good husband.

So with all of the fabulous dinner options in lovely Mira Mesa, we head to Buca di Beppo. We hop in his car and……………………the check engine light comes on. FUCK. And we miss the turn for the restaurant, we are now on the freeway. Double FUCK. This better be the best damn spaghetti dinner ever.

At the restaurant I tell the waitress that it’s my husband’s birthday. She is very excited and I feel like a bad wife for bringing my husband out to a lame chain restaurant for dinner. But whatever. We get a free brownie and the entire wait staff singing a meatball related birthday song for Bash.

And then we get to this morning- when Basham goes out to his car and it won’t start. I try to imagine starving kids in Africa to bring my problems into perspective. In general thinking of starving kids always makes me feel better.

At this point we are about $800 in for car , tires, rental etc. I am so glad we are filthy rich.

I think I could write a country song about this – make sure to add a twang when singing out loud

“My wife dropped my birthday dinner on the floor.
Stupid car engine won’t start anymore.
But thank God it’s Friday and my work week is through
I’ll just get me a beer and a whiskey (or two).”

Happy weekend everyone!


Goozgirl.blogspot.com

8.03.2010

No longer a laggard!


I just finished teaching a Public Health Theory course for National University. BORRRRING. You can imagine how excited the students must’ve felt considering that even the teacher didn’t want to be there. But we managed to make it through…

One of the first nights of class we discussed the Diffusion of Innovation Model. This describes how quickly certain groups of people adopt new concepts. My example was the IPOD. Some people stood in line for hours to be the 1st ones to have this new technology - these are the innovators. Eventually the majority of people catch on and for some, it takes us longer to catch up. These are the laggards. I then pointed out that I still did not own an IPOD and was therefore a laggard with respect to this technology.

Class moves forward and I try my damnedest to make the discussion of health belief models and theories of reasoned action somewhat interesting. In general I think the class is doing OK, but you never know.

So we get to our final class and one of the students asks if she can make an announcement before we start the final exam. I figured she had a job opportunity come up that she wanted to share with everyone. I do my housekeeping and then tell Tanisha she can come to the front for her announcement.

She starts talking about some of the theories from class and how she can apply them to her life and blah blah blah. I am barely paying attention when she says “So Angela, we don’t want you to be a laggard anymore.”

She hands me a Hello Kitty lunch bag and inside are kitty related pens, sticky notes, a calculator and an IPOD!
Shut the front door! How awesome is that?!

I was so surprised and truly appreciative for such a thoughtful gift. I guess students still give their teachers apples.

(thanks mia for that one!)

4.28.2010

Habla espanol?


At the gas station yesterday I was pumping and heard someone walk up behind me. I turned around to see these guys standing next to my car. >>>>


Odd in general but then one of 'em asked me "Habla Espanol?"


I just looked at him with I'm sure a weird mug on my face and said "No."


What the what??!


Then they walked away.


The guy pumping next to me was looking at the dudes walking away. I asked him "It is weird that those men just asked if I spoke spanish?"


He got way too excited and said "Who? Those JEWS?! No way."

4.23.2010

Life isn’t fair – oh yeah, and your bunnies are dead


As the daughter of not one but two military parents, there were many hard lessons to be learned in our house growing up. Saturday morning was for cleaning before you could do anything fun; it is never appropriate to chase your little brother with a baseball bat; and assault rifles use an intermediate cartridge with a detachable magazine.

But there is a lesson learned that is so vivid in my head, I had to share it with you.

My sister and I had two cute little bunnies that we kept in a small cage in our backyard. Sherry’s bunny was all white and so she adequately named it Snowball. I called mine Jennifer.

(Stupid, I know)

Anyway every day after school we would run home, go straight through the house and into the backyard to see our soft and cuddly bunnies. Until one day…

Our mom stopped us before we opened the back door and had this look on her face.
“Girls, I have something to tell you. The big dog that lives next door jumped the fence and got into the bunny cage. Your bunnies are dead. Go outside and see.”

Sherry and I walked our sad, crying little selves over to the bloody cage. Bits of bone and fur were still there, but Jennifer and Snowball had gone to bunny heaven. I don’t know where the dog had run off to…

We just stood by the crate with tears in our eyes and mom came over to us. She said “Hey life isn’t fair” and proceeded to cleanup what was left of our tiny pets.

Blunt.

I mean DANG mom! Can I get some sympathy up in here? But that’s how she was, that’s how she still is, and I love her for it. You gotta learn these things at some point – why not 2nd grade?



4.13.2010

Por que no estan en la escuela

I attended a conference last week where the topic was Race and Sexuality. It was put on by the local STD clinic, Planned Parenthood, and other health related groups. We had lots of interesting discussions about race and how it impacts our access to care, especially for sexual health concerns.

During one exercise we had to list stereotypes people have given to certain groups. (Please note these were stereotypes being discussed by a group and not personal opinion.)

We talked about Asian people being good at math, black people being athletic, etc. etc. Since we have a very strong Latino population here in San Diego, we spent a long time discussing people who speak Spanish and the sometimes negative feelings it brings about in others. Sentiments such as “You live in America, you should speak English” were brought up and the concern that when someone switches to another language, it’s because they are talking about YOU.
Lastly we talked about young black women – their attire, lack of ambition, and that they are typically loud. It was a very powerful presentation considering we had plenty of students in attendance that dispelled those myths…

So 30 minutes later I am at lunch by myself across the street from where the conference is taking place. Next to me are two older Mexican women eating and talking. In front of us are two black high school girls that are ordering. I am on the phone with a friend while the girls are ordering and my friend asks “who is yelling in the background?” As the girls continued to talk and order, I hear the women next to me say, in Spanish, “Why are those girls so loud? Por qué son esas chicas tan fuerte? Why aren’t they ever in school? Por qué no están en la escuela?”

Classic.

3.12.2010

Vajazzled


Not really much to say...just check out the video for yourself....




12.04.2009

Good job husband


This week Basham called on his way home from work to tell me he was going to cook chicken parmesan - yum! And we were going to open one of our nice bottles of wine from our honeymoon back in June - ok!


So I get home and find out that he's a little frustrated that we don't have all of the stuff to make chicken parm. I said "we can just wing it and figure it out." He replied with, "no, if I'm not gonna make it right we will just make something else."


Alrighty then.


He proceeds to cook chicken alfredo instead with some garlic bread which turned out really well. I asked which bottle of red he wanted to open and he said we could open the white. I thought that was pretty sweet considering I'm really the one who likes white and he prefers the reds - this night is turning out very well!


We sit down to eat, he raises a glass and says "happy six month anniversary."


Wait for it......................awwwwwwwwwww :)


Probably the best part is my stupid sister Sherry sitting there while all of this is going on and wondering why there isn't any food for her. She plants herself at the table and encourages her stinky dog Peanut to fart all over the dining room.


Thanks Sherry - thanks

11.17.2009

Excuse me, could you hand me that vagina?

As the Sexual Health Educator for a large urban university, I will go out and do presentations about STDs, pregnancy, and other fun stuff for students on campus. A few weeks ago I was carrying my bag of goodies across campus for a presentation when I got lost looking for the classroom. I began to get flustered and realized I was now running late. I finally get directions to the room and start darting across the courtyard. Of course I drop my bag and have condoms, lubricant and anatomical models spill out across the ground. As if I’m not stressed enough already, picking up the plastic pieces of my vagina is not helping at all. I get all of the pieces put back together, pull off some grass that got stuck to my penis model (Pedro) and make it to the classroom in time.

Who’s ready to talk about Chlamydia?!

This weekend I was at a mini reunion with some former college friends. Being back at GSU and talking about old memories made me think about trying to give these presentations in a place like Statesboro. Yikes! I had a student throw an envelope of condoms back at me and tell me I was going to hell once. Well at least I will have protection, thank you very much.

For some condom tidbits, check this out -
http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-put-on-a-condom-2

10.08.2009


9.23.2009

Don't cough at the grocery store

I have been sick for 3 days and decided it was time to go to the grocery store - life still goes on ya know (and I needed cheese).

After gathering all of my groceries and proceeding to the checkout counter, the cashier asks "Hey, how ya doin'?"

I should know better and realize that people don't actually want an answer to this question. Don't ask me why I haven't learned my lesson after these previous responses:
"I'm good, that rash finally cleared up."
"Not too good...my dog puked all over my bed. Oh I have a coupon too."
"Swell! Been sober for 3 hours now."

So I tell the cashier at the grocery store that I was doing well, but getting over a cold. He replies with the most disgusted face imaginable. I felt like I just got caught molesting his chihuahua.

He finishes with my checkout, gives me my receipt and doesn't say a word. How could he say anything to the most inconsiderate sick person to ever walk into his grocery store? The nerve!

I look back as I am walking out and see him slathering antibacterial gel all over his hands - I think he swallowed some as well. Then he tells the woman standing behind me in line that I am sick and so she is gonna have to wait until he disinfects the area. Apparently he left to take a sponge bath as well.

At first I felt really guilty. But gimme a break dude...

9.05.2009

10 Happy Songs to Make you Dance


1. Tony Toni Tone - "It Feels Good"
2. Gnarls Barkley - "Smiley Faces"
3. Michael Jackson - "PYT"
4. MGMT - "Kids"
5. James Brown - "I Got You"
6. Steely Dan - "Peg"
7. Rick Astley - "Never Gonna Give You Up"
8. AfuRa - "God of Rap"
9. Katrina and the Waves - "Walking on Sunshine"
10. U2 - "Beautiful Day"

Download them now - I dare you not to dance around like an idiot!
:)

Suggestions for more?

8.11.2009

Supercuts - Super Ripoff

We started furloughs this month at my job and I am trying to cut expenses where I can. Therefore instead of going to my fabulous salon in Little Italy where I can enjoy champagne and chocolates (http://hyde-edwards.com/) I went to Supercuts.

I just needed a haircut, nothing fancy, so I was happy to go and spend my $15.95. But it didn't turn out quite the way I wanted…

They take me right away which is good because they don't accept appointments. The "stylist" asks what I want done and I explain that I just need a trim.

"Do you want to start with a shampoo?"

What kind of a question is that? No, just go ahead and cut my dirty hair.

So after the shampoo she asks if I want a 5 minute scalp massage. Ok, obviously this costs more money so I decline - I am like totally savvy.

She cuts my hair and does a decent job. Not that you can really mess up cutting 4 inches of straight hair. She begins to blow dry and asks if I want it flat ironed.

"Nah I'm good."

"But I would really recommend it. Your hair isn't gonna lay flat on it's own."

Thanks - didn't realize that's what a flat iron was for.

So I said ok and she finished my hair.

Other than the screaming kids running around and the foul smell, it was quick and easy and cheap.

Or maybe not.

I go to the counter to pay and she rings me up.

"That'll be $41.95."

WTF?!?! Are you serious?

"Wait…how much was the haircut?"

"$18.95"

I just sit there looking dumbfounded and she sits there looking dumb.

"Do you want a breakdown of the services?"

Duh.

"Well you got a shampoo, a blow dry, flat iron, it all adds up."

Supercuts Sucks

OH! I see - thank you for explaining all of that to me AFTER the fact.

"Actually it should've been $57 but I gave you a discount since it was so quick."

Well thank you very much. Hell I pay $60 at the fancy salon with the alcohol and free food.

I begrudgingly give her the money and leave.

It's not until I am in my car that I realize I didn't leave a tip. I hesitated for about 1 second, felt guilty, and then said "fuck it" and left.

Was I wrong???

8.04.2009

Suffer from migraines? Why don't you just get surgery? DUH!


For those of you who suffer from migraines, here are some things you need to know:
1) Migraines with aura - neurological disturbances before a migraine headache that may include blurred vision, an unpleasant smell or confusion. Some people have plain old headaches (I hate these people) and some have migraines without aura. If you get the type with aura, welcome to the club!
2) For women who have migraine with aura you are NOT supposed to be on estrogen -
http://www.webmd.com/migraines-headaches/guide/hormones-headaches
3) Caffeine may also play a role - I stopped caffeine intake 2 years ago and saw improvement with the number of my migraines.
http://www.medicinenet.com/migraine_headache/page5.htm
4) Botox has been suggested for years and now so is surgery - yikes:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/08/04/migraine.surgery/index.html

And for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, piss off...

Sufferers - what have you found that works? IUD? Certain triggers? Hitting your coworkers?

7.31.2009

Ever gotten money from a homeless man?


I have!

Recently I was in line at the liquor store buying some beer. I have $10 cash on me and that’s about it. Cashier rings me up and it’s $10.99 – oops.
“Wait, let me go out to my car and scrounge up some change.”
The cashier (and people waiting in line) were not impressed.
I hear this gruffled voice behind me say “Ah, here ya go.”
An obvious homeless man is handing ME a dollar bill.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah why not?”
Cashier’s face = confusion
“Can I give you a beer at least?”
“Nah I’m good with this.”
He holds up the biggest jug of Sunny D I’ve ever seen.
“That’s it?”
He leans in with a smelly whisper and says “Goes good with vodka.”

So, I am taking a new turn with my interaction amongst the transients.
Instead of ignoring them as I walk by and their empty hand comes up, I will respond in one of the following ways:
- “Sorry, the smallest I have is a 50.”
- “Actually can you just break some change for me?”
- “What do you want? I don’t understand.”
- Or you can anticipate the request for change, and turn it around “Hey buddy I need another 99 cents to buy this beer, got a buck to spare?”

Now I am sure you are wondering why I would go this route considering a very nice homeless man gave me money. But you’re missing the point – he had enough bills that he was passing them out at the liquor store.
Hmmmm…thought provoking.

Please share your homeless interactions! I know KTB has one…

7.24.2009

"I'm a slapper"

Ya know those annoying people who you run into after a while or maybe you're just meeting them for the first time and they want to hug you?
"Oh! I'm a hugger - come here you!"

Why are we subjected to the hugging? Because you announced it?
If that's the case, then "I'm a slapper."

If you feel compelled to hug me cuz that's yo thang, don't be surprised to get my 5 finger hello. Some of us don't particularly enjoy your greasy paws wrapped around our bodies. But what I do enjoy is a good public slapping every once in awhile - especially if someone deserves it.
This summer at my wedding my bridesmaid KTB was meeting my husband's grandmother for the first time. Grandma Dee didn't get up, just said hello to my friend, and probably figured that was the end of it. KTB responded with "I'm a hugger!" Grandma Dee immediately replied, "Well I'm not."
She got hugged - AWkward...
Maybe I can get over my hug phobia and be more like this guy:
Whadya think? Should we let the greasy paws invade our personal space without prior written consent?

7.20.2009

Having an abortion turns you into a crackhead whore?

Wow! I didn’t know that – and I have been doing abortion counseling for years. Luckily there are these crisis pregnancy centers available to give you all the facts.
Wait…you say these places aren’t legit? They are anti-choice? They just want everyone to have tons of babies and live happily ever after???

Crisis pregnancy centers are fake clinics that lure you in with advertisements such as “Pregnant? Scared? We can help.” Well that sounds pretty good to me. Oh, until they start telling you that abortion causes infertility, breast cancer and post abortion stress (a made up term – no, seriously, see what the American Psychological Association has to say about it: http://www.apa.org/pi/wpo/abortion-health.html).

Some of the websites and advertisements are so professional, it’s hard to tell what the underlying message is. Here is my personal favorite, because it has been advertised at the campus where I do pregnancy counseling.
http://www.capsonline.org/ College Area Pregnancy Services

This “clinic” can be very confusing for young women. First of all they use the same acronym we use on campus here for our Counseling And Psychological Services – coincidence?
And there is a picture of our campus on their home page. Therefore they MUST be affiliated with our school, right?

This website looks great and has tons of information. But because they DON’T have a big cross or mention god, the bible or eternal damnation anywhere in the text, isn’t it legit?

One of my favorite sections is the “Guys Only” area. Here men can learn what it means to be a man, including talking your girlfriend out of an abortion. According to CAPS “most relationships deteriorate within six months after an abortion.” Please. Ya know what also ends relationships? Babies.

What I have found is that if a relationship is strong before an abortion, it will be stronger after. If it was weak to start with, they will probably break up after an abortion. Some people break up after Facebook posts, so gimme a break.

Oh! By the way, all that fabulous abstinence only education funding goes towards these clinics. Maybe this is where Bristol Palin went when she 1st learned she was pregnant.

Wanna hear about the crackhead whore -
Check this out and let me know what you think:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJXRVA16Kig